Retirement

Last night we had our winter comp touch football grand final. Having not won a competition in about three years and losing our last grand final, I'm happy to report we managed a 4-3 win. I spent most of the second half wishing the game would hurry up and finish as I was so nervous about maintaining our lead.
After the game I announced that I'd be hanging up my boots. My continued frustration at not being able to play effectively, the ongoing degeneration of my hand/arm function and my feeling of being a burden to the team combined until I knew it was the right decision. Hopefully it's not a permanent decision, and my health improves enough for me to make a comeback, but until then I don't think it's fair on myself or the team to keep playing.

Thanks to the great staff at my neurosurgeon's office I'm off to see the doctor on Friday. I'm guessing I'll be off to get some tests after that, then jump back into the queue to see him again, after which I can see three possible scenarios:

• I have some form of operation
• I start some form of therapy
• I do nothing

Of these, the third is the least palatable. Knowing I have the potential for my health to worsen and not be able to do anything about is a particularly is extremely frustrating for someone like myself who thrives on knowledge and information - the many variables and unanswerable questions constantly tick away in my brain. At least in three days or so time I'll know a little more.

Back on the merry-go-round

My visit to the physio ran pretty much to script. I described the problem, he got me to push and pull my arm and wrist through various positions, he remarked on the noticeable comparable weakness in areas associated with C6-C8, mainly around C7. Lot's of words like "Brachial" and "Anterior" got thrown around, but the gist of it was that something was not working right between my brain and my arm.
So, down the hall to the neurosurgeon's office I went. The first available appointment is in September, but the lovely receptionist was going to get my file in front of the doctor so he could ask for any necessary tests before seeing me, instead of drawing things out by seeing me, asking for tests, then seeing me again. One of the benefits of being a regular customer I suppose.
I'm surprisingly upbeat about this at the moment. I'm not sure why - considering it was only in May that I thought I'd never have to see the neurosurgeon again, I'd expect to be a bit more upset or at least disappointed.
Back to the waiting game...

Do you want the bad news?

My sporadic posting continues, as does the bad news. I'd been noticing that some of the exercises given to me by my physio didn't feel quite right - I was lacking a full range of movement in some, felt like I had reduced power and was struggling to complete the longer sets recommended by my physio. Then, one day when kicking back on the couch I realised I couldn't push my right arm straight up without assistance. This is scary. While I've had issues with subtle deterioration in my hand and arm, I've never had outright failure of a major movement like this before. I'm heading back to the physio ASAP and direly hoping it's something muscular and not related to my neck.
That is probably an outrageously optimistic viewpoint and I'll be walking over to my neurosurgeon's office straight after.

To make things more "interesting", I'm working in Canberra at the moment, and it's pretty cold this time of year. Normally my hand claws right up in the cold, but my right arm has been curling in lately as well. I've only spilled three coffees and dropped one sandwich as a result - probably not a bad effort.
I've been continuing to play touch footy as well, but I'm starting to feel like even more of a burden to the team. I'm struggling to get to full pace when I run, and catching and passing are getting harder. Last night I took a fall and landed on my right elbow, jarring my shoulder. I had some very familiar pins and needles straight away, and could barely move my arm for about 15 minutes.

Sp, that's the gloomy view at the moment. Things can only get better though. Right?

Hand-some

OK, so it looks like this blog isn't dead - I've got another booking with a medical specialist (with the obligatory three month wait), this time he's a hand/wrist surgeon . I felt that recently my hand function had been deteriorating, so I went to revisit my OT. He somewhat confirmed my fears - my wrist had weakened on one side compared to my last visit. Given the compression of my spinal cord had been resolved with my last op, this shouldn't have been happening. So given that my neurosurgeon thinks everything in my neck is fine, off to see the hand specialist I go.
It looks like I've got at least a few more months of dropping the ball at touch footy and struggling to tie shoelaces ahead of me! Not to mention my hand turning to a club in the cold. Even some basic things like holding a book are a bit harder.

End of the Road?

Yesterday I visited my neurosurgeon for my 3 month post-op follow up. It was a little bittersweet. He told me that everything looked fine in my neck, the cyst was collapsed and I'd only need to go back if the shunt blocked and I had a worsening of symptoms. While it was good to know that the op worked fine, it's a little disappointing to know that I'm not going to get much improvement in my symptoms from here. As he said in his cool Texan accent, "that right hand's going to be the bane of your existence".
I'll head back to the OT now, let him know where I'm at with my recovery and see if he can help at all with my hand. I'm definitely a lot worse than I was 6 months ago - this whole episode was kicked off by me having difficulty throwing a footy to my right, and now I struggle to pass to either side and have great difficulty catching. I suppose I can only try more therapy, and hopefully use some sort of brace in the meantime.

Now, for your viewing pleasure - some MRI scans:
This first one shows a top down section of my spine. That white circle in the middle is my spinal cord, and the rings within it are the cyst.

This one is side one, I only included it to show off my brain :-)

Brace Yourselves

Today I saw an Occupational Therapist (OT) about the clawing and movement of my hand. He watched me move my hand, wrist and fingers and did some comparisons to my strength and movement between now and when I visited him three years ago after my last operation. Apparently my finger strength has decreased slighty in that time, but surprisingly consistently (i.e. each finger has lost the same amount of strength). The interesting thing is that the problems with my fingers are actually stemming from my wrist - one half of the system (flexors?) works stronger than the other now, causing my wrist to cock back and causing my fingers to curl.
I'm now wearing a wrist brace to help me type. When my wrist is held straight I have not only better movement of my fingers, but power. I was really struggling to have enough power to even depress a key on a keyboard, but with the wrist brace on I can now use all but my index finger to type. My typing speed and accuracy have marekedly improved, to the point where I'd say I'm at about 90% of where I was at before things deteriorated. I've had a short go at using the mouse, but the brace seems to make gripping it a bit hard. I'll keep trying though.

I'm also back ay my desk full time, 5 days a week. The physio really helped in working out all the tension that was stopping me being upright all day. I'm now doing a bunch of daily exercises to try and build up some muscle in my shoulders and neck, which should help me get more use out of my arm and less discomfort.

Thursday: An MRI! Just like playing Space Invaders in a confined space without the controls or screen!

Update

OK, so I'm not too good at this regular blogging. I think as "normal" life gets back under way, it's easy to get distracted. A summary of the last few weeks:

• I've been back to my neurosurgeon for a one month check up. Everything has healed fine, and I'm off for an MRI & follow up visit in a few weeks to see if the cyst has collapsed.
• I've started physio, and last week managed to actually sit at the desk for a full day.
• Yesterday I started the Couch to 5k running program. It felt pretty good, I'm really looking forward to getting some fitness back.
• My right hand is still clawed up. I'm a bit worried it's actually a bit worse. Left handed mousing and only typing with my right pinky is driving me crazy. I think I'll just see an OT under my own steam.
• I've had some of my worst dizzy spells, including one where I couldn't even really control my arms. They seem to be reducing in frequency though, I thinmk it has to do with being more mo bile
  

So, overall things are pretty good, although it's frustrating waiting another month to get an MRI and back to the doctor.
Another frustrating thing is the amount of time and money I've had to spend. There seem to be some gross inefficiencies in the Australian system. For example, I get sent the Medicare "gap" cheque for each service provider (CT, MRI, bloodwork, ECG, surgeon, etc) and then have to pass it on to them. Why not mail them the cheque or use EFT? Also, the fact that I'm privately insured yet still have to pay a gap between what my surgeon charges and what the health fund pays is also frustrating. I know I'm better off than if I went through the public system, but paying a few grand of "gaps" when I pay a monthly fee to my health insurer adds insult to injury.
At any rate, the bills will be paid off soon, and I'm still up and about so I shouldn't complain too much.